


nothing feels better

by waveydnp



Series: phan bingo 2018 [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-26 01:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16209674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: Dan goes to pull his arm back but Phil reaches up to keep it around his neck.They don’t talk. They never talk when there are other people around to hear them.





	nothing feels better

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by khalid's song better

There’s a bench in the park down the street from Dan’s house. He’s sat on it now, shaded by the leaves of the oak that grows behind it, little patches of sunlight escaping through and burning against the black of his t-shirt.

He’s not alone. His mates are there, lots of them, congregating under the tree, smoking cigarettes and talking about nothing, enjoying the hazy freedom of a hot summer day with nothing better to do than waste their time. 

Phil’s there too, sat right next to him. His head is leaned back and his eyes closed, arms spread out across the back of the bench like the space is his to claim. His legs are spread too and Dan’s eyes gravitate to where his shorts are riding up his thighs, the skin beneath pale and the hair sparse but dark. 

He’s wearing Chucks today, blue ones, and a red plaid t-shirt. He looks good, not that Dan would notice something like that.

People are laughing all of a sudden and Dan doesn’t know why. He must have missed the joke, so he smiles and forces his gaze elsewhere.

A girl sits on his lap. She’s saying something about uni, he thinks. 

“What?” he asks. 

“You’re going to school here, yeah? At Manchester?” she says, in a way that makes it clear she’d already asked him at least once before he clued in.

“Mhm,” he hums, trying not to really picture it. He prefers to live in his blissful little bubble of denial. This summer is going to last forever, and it won’t be a moment too long.

“Maybe I’ll see you,” she says.

She’s flirting, like she always does. He wishes he knew how to tell her it’s never going to happen. Instead he chuckles half heartedly and says, “Maybe,” and then hooks his arm around the back of Phil’s neck. Phil looks at Dan for a split second before closing his eyes again. 

It’s not weird. They’re friends. Dan fiddles with one of the buttons on Phil’s shirt and wonders if anyone notices. 

The girl keeps talking to Dan for a few minutes before she hops off his lap and moves on to someone else.

Dan goes to pull his arm back but Phil reaches up to keep it around his neck. 

They don’t talk. They never talk when there are other people around to hear them.

-

It’s still hot, even after the sun’s gone down, even as Dan lies shirtless in bed with the duvet pushed down and bunched up around his feet. 

His phone buzzes where it’s laid right beside his head on the pillow. He smiles before he’s even seen who’s sent the message. 

He just knows.

_you up?_

_maybe_ Dan texts back.

_let’s hang out_

_why would you wanna do a thing like that_ Dan asks.

_idk. bored_

Dan shakes his head at his phone. Phil’s a liar. _oh yeah? at half 1 you’re bored? you could just go to sleep you know_

 _shut up_ Phil texts. _do you want to or not_

Dan’s already sat up and scanning the floor for a shirt. _i’ll meet you at the park_

-

They always meet at the park first. Phil’s always waiting by the time Dan gets there, always sat on that bench looking like a diamond, all sharp, shadowed lines beneath the pale of the moon. 

Dan sits next to him and pulls something out of his pocket. 

“That’s a bad habit,” Phil says, voice all soft and deep.

Dan smiles. “Got a few of those.” He digs out his lighter and puts it in Phil’s hand. He puts the spliff between his lips and leans forward into Phil’s space.

Phil shakes his head slightly and lights him up. “You’re weird,” he murmurs.

Dan pulls that musky smoke down into his lungs and holds it awhile before blowing it back out gently against Phil’s face. “Mhm,” he hums. “That’s why you like me.” 

“Who said I do?”

“Do you make a habit of disliking your friends?” Dan asks. He goes to take another hit but Phil plucks the spliff from Dan’s fingers.

“Maybe you’re an exception.” He takes a drag and inhales and almost immediately starts coughing.

Dan laughs and takes it back.

“I dunno how you can do that shit,” Phil says, heaving to catch his breath. “It burns.”

Dan shrugs. “It makes my head quiet.” He takes another hit and holds it in longer, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, reveling in the peaceful heaviness that starts to tingle in his limbs.

“Lemme try again,” Phil says softly. “A quiet head sounds nice.”

Dan exhales and hands the spliff over carefully. “Just go slower this time,” he says. “You won’t need a lot. Try to keep it in for a few seconds.”

Phil does better the second time around. “Oh,” he says as he blows the smoke out, only coughing once. “It feels like floating kinda.”

Dan chuckles a breathy sound. “Yeah. Kinda.”

“I guess that’s why it’s called getting high,” Phil muses.

Dan continues smoking and tries not to vocalize the thought he’s having now, which is that Phil is just so fucking adorable. 

Friends don’t really say that.

Phil takes two more baby hits and Dan finishes it off and flicks the roach into the grass. 

“What now?” Dan asks. Everything feels slow and warm and sweet like treacle.

“You wanna come to mine?” Phil asks, as if it isn’t the same every time. 

“S’pose that could be fun,” Dan says, knocking his knee into Phil’s. “Your housemates home?”

Phil shrugs. “Probably. Does it matter?” His words are slow and stuck together, or maybe that’s just how they sound in Dan’s ears.

“Not to me,” Dan says. 

“Not to me either.” Phil reaches up to push his hair out of his face. “M’allowed to have mates round. Only my mum’s allowed to tell me what to do and she’s not here.”

Dan laughs. “I really wanna meet her someday. She must be well cool to make you _this_ much of a mama’s boy.”

“Oi.” Now it’s Phil’s turn to laugh. “Shut up. C’mon.” 

They walk the few minutes it takes to get out of the park and back onto the street when Phil says, out of nowhere, “I think she’d like you. Martyn too.”

Dan takes a moment to answer. His mind isn’t really running at full capacity right now, but it’s not just that. It’s Phil being vulnerable, even just a little, letting Dan in like this.

It means a lot. It feels like a lot.

“So it’s just your dad I need to win over, then,” Dan says. 

“He’s a little tougher,” Phil admits. “Sometimes I still feel like _I_ haven’t won him over.”

Dan laughs bitterly. “I _know_ I haven’t with mine. Or anyone in my family for that matter.”

“Let’s just forget about them for now,” Phil says. They’re already walking up his drive. 

“Yeah.” He can do that. The only person he really wants to think about is right in front of him anyway.

The house is quiet when they step inside. Phil leads him to the lounge and Dan sinks into the sofa while Phil flicks on the tv. 

“You wanna game?” Phil asks.

Dan shakes his head. He doesn’t want his hands or his attention occupied. “Just put something on and c’mere.” He’d like to say they should just skip this step and move straight to Phil’s bedroom, but he doesn’t. 

Phil fumbles with the remote, pressing all manner of wrong buttons until he finally finds the one that changes the channel. He flips through until he finds something he seems to deem worthy of their viewership and then flops down next to Dan, so close he’s almost on top of him.

“Why don’t my hands work?” he mumbles.

“Because you’re high, Phil.”

“Oh. Yeah.” He reaches out and grabs Dan’s hand, holds it up and squints his eyes as he examines it closely. “Your hands look like they work. You’re high too, why do your hands work?”

“Because I can handle my weed,” Dan laughs. 

Phil turns Dan’s hand over and starts tracing his finger over the lines in his palm. Dan closes his eyes and leans his head back against the sofa. Phil touching him right now just feels so good, even somewhere as innocent as his hand.

“I can predict your future, y’know,” Phil drawls. 

“Oh?”

“By reading your palm.”

“You know how to do that?” Dan asks.

“Yeah. This,” he says, tracing slower now, more deliberately, “is the head line.”

Dan doesn’t bother opening his eyes. “Mm,” he hums as an acknowledgement to Phil that he’s listening.

“You’ve got a good head,” Phil says, and Dan can’t help but giggle.

“Very scientific, Phil.”

“Shush, I’m reading.” Phil moves his finger to trace a new line now. “This is your life line. It says you’ll experience many ups and downs over the years but ultimately your life will be a long and happy one.”

“Fuck off.”

“S’true,” Phil says. “The palms don’t lie.”

Dan drops his head down onto Phil’s shoulder. He feels heavy and light all at once, like his body is being pulled down further into the sofa but his mind is like he said - quiet. Calm. “What else?” he murmurs.

“Well,” Phil says, tracing up higher beneath Dan’s fingers. “This is the heart line.”

He’s quiet after that, so Dan says, “What is my heart saying to you, Phil?”

Phil doesn’t answer, but a moment later Dan feels Phil’s hand cupping his jaw and pulling him into a kiss. Dan accepts it eagerly, parting his lips and meeting Phil’s tongue with his.

It’s familiar, Phil’s mouth, and the way he kisses with it, though tonight is a little different. It’s a little slower, a little deeper, maybe a little less frantic. Phil’s hands are holding Dan’s face and staying there, not wandering his body greedily like they normally do, not trying to pull his clothes off as quickly as he can.

Dan likes this. He likes the other too, and he still wants them both naked at some point, but this is new and that makes it exciting. 

Maybe it’s because Phil is sharing the haze of Dan’s high this time, maybe it’s not. Dan doesn’t care. He’s never been bothered by the impermanence of this thing he’s got going with Phil, but he also really likes how it feels tonight. He likes how it feels like Phil can’t enough of just kissing him and stroking his thumb against his jaw.

Time has absolutely no meaning now as Phil pushes Dan down gently and lies on top of him. They kiss and kiss and kiss until Dan can’t feel his lips at all and his mouth is dry, and then they kiss some more. He pulls up on Phil’s shirt until his tingling-tipped fingers manage to get it off.

“Dan,” Phil rasps, pulling himself up a little so he can look down at Dan’s face.

“What?” Dan’s voice is raspy too.

“My mouth feels like a desert.”

Dan laughs. “Yeah. Same.”

“Water?” Phil asks.

“Yes please.”

“K, c’mon.”

Dan chuckles again. “Mate, you’re lying on top of me.”

“Oh yeah,” Phil says, pushing himself up and off Dan’s body.

Dan follows him to the kitchen, watching the hint of muscle in Phil’s shoulders move as he walks. He leans against the counter as he watches Phil fill a single glass of water all the way to the top. He chugs half in one go then hands it to Dan.

Dan drinks slower. He’s a lot more accustomed to cottonmouth than Phil is. 

Phil is watching him intently as he feels the bliss of cold wetness sliding down his throat. There’s the distant noise of voices and Dan can’t tell if it’s coming from somewhere inside Phil’s house or from one of the neighbouring flats. 

He finishes the water and puts the cup on the counter. He takes a step closer to Phil, who looks irresistible in shorts and no shirt, his hair a mess and his lips a deep pink from all the kissing.

“What would they think?” Dan asks quietly.

“Who?”

“Your housemates. If they came in and saw us here like this.”

Phil shrugs. It’s almost convincing.

“You’re not bothered?” Dan asks.

“Are you?”

“I don’t know them,” Dan says. “Though I reckon they’ve heard us a time or two.” The pit of his stomach warms at the thought. 

“You’re weird,” Phil says, echoing his statement in the park. “Why are you so weird?”

Dan steps forward until he’s crowding Phil up against the fridge. Something about tonight is making him bold. Maybe it’s the fact that despite his attempts to freeze time by virtue of sheer desperation, this summer is nearly over. 

He doesn’t know what comes next and he’s not going to ask, not tonight, but he _is_ going to make the most of whatever time they’ve got left. 

He reaches a hand down into Phil’s shorts and presses his mouth to Phil’s ear. “What would they think if they came in here right now?”

Phil pushes into Dan’s touch, his body responding instantly, growing hard beneath Dan’s fingers. 

Phil doesn’t actually answer the question. Dan doesn’t know how to feel about that, but then Phil’s mouth is on his neck and they’re stumbling towards Phil’s bedroom and that’s good enough for now.

-

Being inside Phil is like nothing Dan’s ever felt, holding Phil’s waist and looking up at his face as he rides. He likes how hard Phil’s hands are pressing into his chest, the low groans pulled from the back of his throat every time Dan hits him in the right spot. 

This like everything else tonight is slow and heavy. And new. 

“You feel so fucking good,” Phil says.

Dan thinks the same. So fucking good. Nothing feels better than this, nothing feels better than the way they connect, the way they hold each other in the dark.

“I always want you when you’re not here,” Phil says.

Dan wraps his hand around Phil’s cock. “I always want you.”

-

They clean themselves off with a shirt Phil scoops up off the floor. Dan puts his head on Phil’s chest and Phil holds him close. He feels even more stoned than before.

He lets himself feel it for a long time, the bone deep satisfaction of being exactly where he wants to be. He lets himself feel it in the dark and the quiet until his eyes are closed and he knows he won’t be able to fight sleep off a minute longer. 

“I should go,” he says. He doesn’t stay. That’s not something they do.

Phil’s fingers grip a little tighter around Dan’s shoulder. “Aren’t you tired?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Dan croaks. “That’s why I’m leaving.”

“Well… don’t.”

Dan’s heart stutters. “No?”

“Do you want to leave?” Phil asks.

Dan bites his lip, traces circles on Phil’s naked hip. “Am I allowed to say no?”

“Yes,” Phil says, his voice barely more than a gravelly whisper.

“Then no,” Dan says. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Then don’t. Don’t leave.”

-

Summer is almost over.

Dan falls asleep in Phil’s arms.


End file.
